Sleep To Dream
by SirusPolaris
Summary: Raven had never been much for dream hopping. It was rude, and furthermore immoral. Dreams were materializations of closely guarded secrets, fears, desires... She had no business seeing those... [Post The End III]


**A/N:** Hey! I'm back, this time with what will hopefully be a 5-6 chapter story, updated somewhat frequently. Anyways, I wrote this a few months ago after the _The End_ episode series ended. I originally had no intention of posting it, but it kept nagging me to be finished, so I slapped on a half-assed 1st chapter conclusion and, well, here it is. It's my first attempt at writing Teen Titans fiction, so please go easy on me-- I tried my best to keep the characters IC, but if you spot a line or something that goes against the grain, please give a shout out so that I can fix it! Thanks :) Anyways,hope youenjoy.

Oh, before I forget: The coupling... to my credit, I know what I'm doing goes against all-that-is-good-and-holy, but I really love the Raven/Robin combination. This was an obsession long before _The Prophesy_ and _Birthmark_; yes, I was an R&R shipper from the first episode I saw... Gah.The two are just too perfect for each other... BUT! It is also important that I tell you that I'm only in favor of Rav/Rob under certain guidelines. So, without further complication, I give you what I can only define as a one-sided Rav/Rob. (My appologies to those who had their hearts set on pointless fluff). To those of you closed-minded about this pair, please do us both a favor and hit the 'back' button on your browser. I assure you that you will not like this fic. To those of you willing to read on, please do; I'd love to know what you guys think!

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own the Teen Titans. I have no money. GVSU has all my money.

* * *

"Laying in bed tonight, I was thinking

and listening to all the dogs

and the sirens and the shots,

And how a careful man tries

to dodge the bullets

While a happy man takes a walk.

And maybe it's time to live..." _P.S. You Rock My World,_ by the Eels.

* * *

**Chapter 1: **

**Open Doors**

11:51PM

The clock on the stove was blinking at me with neon-green digits.

11:51PM

With practiced control I suppressed an anxious sigh, rapping my knuckles on the back of the couch and fighting the urge to bounce my knee in impatience.

Leave it to me to be counting minutes when we were supposed to be having a party.

11:52PM

Not that I was eagerly awaiting our celebration to end or anything. Quite the contrary, in fact. To everyone's surprise (myself included), I'd truly enjoyed myself. The party had been wonderful, full of junk food, movies, and every fun group activity known to man; it started the moment the sun rose against all odds and stretched all day. The festivities were only now beginning to wind down, mere minutes before midnight.

No, the truth is it was just… there was a part of me that was still unsettled about the recent events. No doubt a lifetime of dreading was hard to put to rest, and I couldn't stop the nervous knot from forming in the pit of my stomach as the numbers on the clock continued their ascent to midnight. That suspicious, worried feeling inside of me continued to be unsatisfied despite how my thoughts tried to pacify it.

Was it really over? Could it be that the prophesy was really done with me?

Had I really defeated my destiny?

It was an impossible notion: how could I—a mere mortal girl with no hope in her heart but the love of her friends—have defeated the incarnation of all pain and evil?

I stared at the clock, dreading the next minute, fearing that at midnight the fairytale would unravel; glass slipper or no, the spells would wear off and I'd turn back into a helpless pumpkin. I would wake up at midnight and discover it was all a dream and the world would resume with its fire and brimstone death sequence.

Ice began condensing along the walls of my stomach.

11:56PM

Distantly I could hear my companions' quite chatter; in my mind's eye I could see them even though my real eyes were trained on the clock. Robin's arm around Starfire, Cyborg and Beast Boy offering a round of high-fives, bright smiles on every face…

Something twisted in my gut.

Could all of this really just disappear?

_This is real,_ Intelligence whispered in my head, rational as ever. _Stop worrying._

11:58PM

In the background I heard laughter. Someone, undoubtedly Beast Boy, must have said something to spark the giggles that suddenly made it so hard to concentrate on the digital numbers across the room.

This had to be real.

It _had_ to be.

11:59PM

I was counting seconds now, my mind ticking the moments off with terrible precision. Azar was long since dead and Azarath destroyed by my father, but out of habit I found myself sending my prayers to them, wishing I could stop time again to stave off midnight for a brief eternity. Happily I'd live in a brief, frozen moment where for once in my wretched life everything was perfect and I finally felt _safe_…

11:59PM

My too-young-to-die teenage-heart nearly shut down as the last few seconds of Armageddon trickled away.

_3… _

_2… _

_1…_

12:00AM

I blinked.

12:00AM

I blinked again.

12:00AM

And then, for the first time in what seemed like ages, I took a breath.

My mind raced. It was over! It was really over! I couldn't stop the wide smile from creeping its way across my lips, looking foreign and out of place on my plain face.

No more manipulation! No more dreading my future! No more guilt!

In my head, Happy was doing wild, aerial cartwheels and shrieking the soprano line to Handel's _Halleluiah Chorus _at the top of her lungs.

Tomorrow could exist for me. Tomorrow _did_ exist for me. It was surreal; I'd be able to see my 19th birthday—my life no longer stopped at the prophesized 18. I could do whatever I wanted without fear, without that quiet dread that maybe today would be the end. I could embrace Rage and not worry about Trigon's influence. I could…

… I took a mental pause. What _was_ I planning on doing with the rest of my life? Crime fighting? There was no point in justifying myself through heroic acts anymore. I had already brought peace and balance back to the Earth.

What more was left for me to do?

I blenched for the briefest moment as my brain came to a stunning conclusion:

For once in my entire life, I was without a plan.

Who knew that cool, collected, sensible Raven could possibly be so clueless as to what she really wanted?

It's ridiculous of course, that I would feel at such a loss after regaining everything I thought was gone forever. But then, ever since I could remember my plans only stretched as far as today—excuse me, _yesterday_ (it still felt weird to think about in the past tense)—I didn't think there'd be anything left of me by the end of the day.

And now here we were, straddling the elusive midnight I thought would never come, with glorious sunrise only a few hours away.

I had a life, a whole life ahead of me…

… and I had no idea what to do with it.

The potential was indescribably sweet.

This time, I decided, things were going to be different. Better. True, I told assured everyone that things would go seamlessly back to the normal routine, but the truth was that the old Raven was gone, forever. Her insecure, defensive soul died with Trigon, never to return.

But unlike I expected, the feeling that came over me was a release. The distant fear was no longer churning dully in my stomach, nor were my emotions threatening my control—I suddenly felt so light, so relieved, so _free.._.

The death of old Raven was undoubtedly the best thing that had ever happened to me.

A noisy, theatrical yawn broke me out of my pleasant reverie and back into the cluttered, clattering consciousness.

Beast Boy was rubbing his eyes tiredly, still recovering from his too-big-for-a-small-boy yawn, obviously partied-out.

"Man, I'm pooped," he managed to grumble. "I never knew saving the entire universe took so much out of you…"

The other Titans were faring about the same—Starfire had already dozed off on the couch with her head on Robin's shoulder, and both Cyborg and Boy Wonder were valiantly warding off large, contagious yawns. Even I was beginning to feel the heavy strains of exhaustion creeping into my muscles, aching the tendons in my arms and legs and adding additional weight to my body.

It had, after all, been a long day for the Teen Titans.

"Well, Titans," Robin said drowsily, rubbing the corner of an eye through his domino mask, "I think it may be time for bed."

Cyborg nodded in agreement, pulling his heavy body off the couch and giving a stretch, filling the room with the audible crunch of his metallic joints cracking. "Tell me about it. I'm gonna need a power grid the size of the Western Hemisphere to recharge my batteries after all the excitement today…"

I rubbed the back of my neck ruefully—it had become slightly cramped after craning it to see the clock.

"Excitement?" I mumbled in my usual monotone, habit getting the best of my expression. "That's certainly a diplomatic way of putting it."

"Well, we can't all be as _tactless_ as you, Raven, you heathen," Robin joked, sending a crooked smile my way. He knew as well as I did that for once I didn't mind the ribbing. It wasn't often that I allowed myself to be teased, least of all by someone as stuffy as Boy Wonder, but today I was in too good of a mood to be truly irritated.

"You think _I'm_ the team heathen?" I deadpanned, fighting a strange urge to chuckle.

"Who else would be?" His smile widened. "I mean, even Beast Boy can call you uncouth."

The corners of my mouth twitched upward on their own accord and I didn't bother to hide it, wondering inwardly when Robin, of all people, became an instigator of verbal sparring matches as the rest of the team eagerly awaited Beast Boy's expected retaliation. I could hear it already in the youngster's squeaky, pubescent voice:

_"Haha, yeah, Raven, even I—Hey! What do you mean 'even Beast Boy'!"_

But the smart-alecky comment never came.

Four pairs of eyes sought out the changeling in confusion—poor Beast Boy was hunched over on the couch with an expression mirroring that of the zombies on his favorite horror films.

"Mmrrrfffonnsismmm…" he garbled in a slack-jawed fashion, the rings under his eyes dark enough to confuse him with the Jump City quarterback.

"Woah, BB—tired much?" Cyborg grinned. "You look, well…. Y'look…"

"You look like tofu warmed over," I finished in a drone, folding myself into the familiar cowl of my cloak. "I think it might be time for little Beast Boys to go to bed."

"No, it's waa-aaa-aay past my bed time," Beast Boy managed to mumble around another huge yawn. "See you guys in the morning—_I'm _going to bed before I die of exhaustion." And with that, the shifter morphed into a heavy-eyed basset hound, somehow managing to shuffle past Cyborg in a hasty exit, woofing a vague "g'night" to the rest of the team before he left.

Cyborg's deep, rolling laughter never failed to warm my heart. He had the sort of laugh that I imagined a loving father or older brother would have—a purely happy sound.

"Heh, never thought Beast Boy would ever be the first to leave a party," the metal man said with a broad smile, his sniggering thinning a bit. "But then again, he's never experienced an Extreme No-Wuss-Out Excessively-Difficult Quadruple-Dog Dare like he did today."

"No kidding," I gave a half-hearted chuckle at the memory of the poor green shape shifter taking on the toughest level of the Titan obstacle course in the form of a three-toed sloth.

I'd never laughed so hard in my life (not that I had many experiences to compare it to—I could count the occasions on two hands). I hope it won't become a habit… turns out I have a laugh like a goon.

"Well, anyways, I'm heading in too before I run out of juice and shut down right here." I had to fight the urge to stifle the smile that pulled at the corners of my lips when Cyborg's wide grin centered its warmth on me. "Goodnight, y'all. Sweet dreams, Rae."

I allowed the smile to form. And it felt surprisingly good. It was a strange feeling, to be able to smile at a whim. Slightly odd and out of place, but for some reason I couldn't wait to get used to it. "You too."

One last wave and Cyborg was out the door, pausing only to give Robin a knowing, lingering look. I tried to catch the android's eye on his way out to express my suspicion, but he purposefully avoided my hard gaze.

Very peculiar…

"Goodnight, Cyborg," Robin called after the mechanical man, rousing Starfire in the process.

The Tameranian princess frowned cutely as she came out of her nap, blinking her large green eyes in a dazed confusion, head cradled in the crook of Robin's neck.

"Has the celebration come to a halt?" she mumbled in a sleepy voice, unconsciously snuggling closer to the boy.

Even from the other end of the couch I felt the warmth in Robin's smile as he allowed himself a tender moment with her now that the other boys had gone. The hand cupping her shoulder gave a gentle squeeze while the other brushed a few strands of auburn hair from her face.

The words 'third wheel' suddenly popped into my head, and immediately I began to feel uncomfortable. Turning my head away to give the couple some privacy, I pulled my hood up to hide my blushing face and tried hard to concentrate on the carpet, the windows, anything else but the strange twinge of embarrassment that bloomed in my abdomen as my two teammates shared such a personal moment right in front of me.

"Yeah, the party's over," I heard Robin say, a new softness entering his voice, a gentleness reserved only for Starfire. "It's late, Star. You should head to bed."

"I think I shall. I am exhausted." Starfire gave a loud yawn. I turned just in time to see her stand, hand still clasped in his. "Are you not also beating the straw at this time?"

"The phrase is 'hitting the hay', and yeah. I just need to talk to Raven for a moment."

I blinked in surprise, my stomach doing a tiny little flip.

"Oh." Starfire tried her best not to sound too disappointed (she had mentioned to me earlier that Robin had gotten into the habit of walking her to her room before bed), but it wasn't in her nature to hide her thoughts and feelings. "I understand. If you need to have a private discussion with Friend Raven, then I do not wish to keep you from it…."

She withdrew her hand from his and he faltered slightly, rising to place a gloved hand on her shoulder in an awkwardly consoling gesture. "Er, look, Star… Maybe, um, tomorrow we could go out for pizza or something…"

I don't remember ever seeing Robin blush before. In fact, I don't think I'd ever seen _anyone's_ face turn so many shades of red in such a short span of time. I felt the urge to turn away but I couldn't help myself—it was like watching a satellite attempt to touchdown after being in the atmosphere for years. There was a sense of closure, to know it was finally happening, and yet there was an apprehension and gracelessness of all first-time things; the underlying sense of a potential crash-and-burn shot tenseness into the air like electricity.

"… then, um, maybe go to the mall and catch a movie… you know…"

Robin now looked like a tomato in a mask and cape. Nervous energy was cascading off of his body in thickening waves; I didn't need my telepathy to know that poor Boy Wonder was struggling with some monstrous butterflies in his stomach as he tried to force out the rest of his proposal.

"… Just the two of us."

_You shouldn't be here for this,_ Timid hissed in my ear, cringing in the back of my mind.

The embarrassment I'd been trying to quell intensified. It was almost scandalous to find myself watching the couple's first official _moment_—I pulled my hood further down to cover more of my face and debated whether or not to teleport to my room to give the pair some privacy.

But then again, what was Robin thinking, asking Starfire on a date (no joke, an actual flowers-at-the-door, dinner-and-a-movie _date_) with me in the room? Just last week he couldn't even address Starfire informally while others were around. Why in the name of Azar would he choose to finally end the unresolved romantic tension between him and Starfire with _me_ in the room?

But whatever his reasoning behind the awkward timing, Robin got the reaction he was no doubt hoping for.

Starfire instantly brightened, a one thousand-watt smile lighting up her pretty face. "Splendid! I would greatly enjoy the spending of the day with you!" She gave Robin bone-crushing hug. "I shall await tomorrow anxiously!"

I edged my way to the edge of the couch, sparing an odd glance to see how Boy Wonder was faring with his alien princess trying to throttle him with her hug. Due to his fishy behavior, I was tempted to let Starfire squeeze him to death.

But when the poor kid started to turn blue I lost my resolve to see the Tameranian girl accidentally break him in half. "You might want to let go before he suffocates."

Robin squeaked out a garbled agreement.

"Oops!" Starfire blushed prettily and embarrassedly released Robin (who immediately gasped noisily for air). "My apologies—I was perhaps a bit overzealous. Pleasant slumber to you, Robin."

She turned to me and I couldn't help the initial, instinctive recoil.

"And pleasant slumber to you, Friend Raven!" Before I could protest the Tameranian had captured me in a bear hug that pinned my arms to my sides and squeezed the oxygen from my lungs. "I am most grateful that you are unharmed after today's unfortunate events!"

"Thanks," I managed to grit out before she released me, at great relief to my ribs. "Goodnight, Starfire."

With a tired giggle and one last "pleasant slumber, friends!" the alien princess floated out of the room, leaving only Robin. And me.

The uncomfortable, out-of-place feeling I had was beginning to escalate out of control, what with Robin staring expectantly at me through the void lenses of his mask from the opposite end of the couch. He was baiting me with his silence, waiting for me to say something. I stared hard out the window at the glittering city lights, feeling inexplicably crowded and trying hard to ignore the way his mind was shamelessly probing my own.

When the wall of silence between us had grown too awkward, Robin took the initiative and threw out the first word.

"Look, Raven, about yesterday…" he started out carefully, as if he was afraid I'd be easily offended by what he had to say. "A lot of things happened, a lot of life-changing events that made an impact on all of us, especially you. After all that's happened, the team and I want you to know… that we understand if you want some space."

Almost immediately I began to feel the beginnings of a headache stirring at the base of my skull. Though Robin had initially caught me off guard with the conversation topic (a rare occurrence; I give him bonus points for pulling it off), I quickly caught on to where our little chat was heading—it was taking me to a place that I wasn't quite ready to go yet, an issue I wasn't ready to make up my mind about. The area of discussion was a new and sensitive one, and I probably knew better than anyone else that Robin wasn't one to leave something alone when he wanted to poke at it.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked hesitantly, not entirely keen on having Robin elaborate.

"The end of the world, Slade coming back from the dead, defeating Trigon, bringing you back… You've been through a lot in the past 24 hours—we all have… and, well…"

"Well…" I prompted sullenly from under my hood, keeping my gaze trained on the city horizon.

Robin sighed. "Sorry. I guess what I'm trying to say is, no one is going to blame you if you need some time off to figure stuff out, you know?"

"Time off?" I parroted lowly, turning to favor him with a skewed look.

"Yeah," he passed me a cursory glance, "After everything that's happened, we kind of figured you'd want a break from crime fighting to do some heavy thinking…"

Damn that boy and his shrewd observation skills.

"Robin, I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm fine." Then, as an afterthought, I tacked on a stressed "Really."

It was a lie, of course. I'd just spent the past hour or so fretting over the fact that I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. I had no plans and I was terrified; it was obvious that anyone who knew me at all would see right through my frail little façade.

Robin's dubious expression confirmed my predictions that he wouldn't buy it. But luckily, he sensed my discomfort, choosing to respect my sensitivity by tactfully changing the subject.

"I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable with the whole Starfire thing…" he was blushing again—it was vastly entertaining to see Boy Wonder so flustered. "I don't really know what I was thinking… I mean, I really wanted to ask her and everything, that's not what I'm saying… it's just… "

As always, when discussing Starfire poor Robin's articulateness disintegrated. "I feel so comfortable with you, Raven. It's strange… having you there when I… er, when I, y'know," he coughed discreetly, "it kind of gave me the courage I needed… Anyways, sorry for putting that on you."

"It's fine," I said, and meant it.

For the next few minutes we sat in a comfortable silence, having come to a mutual understanding. I could feel Robin's steady gaze on my shadowed features, but years of practice kept them schooled, my eyes stubbornly fixated on a spot on the carpet.

Eventually Robin stood, once again taking the initiative in breaking the silence.

"It's late, you know," he told me, pretending as if he didn't know how precise my internal clock was.

"I know," I said blandly, mentally scolding myself as my traitorous eyes trailed the lines of his form as he gave a long, languid stretch. He looked like a cat when he stretched, enviously lithe and fluid with his movements.

"I'm going to bed. You should, too." Robin threw me a pointed look, the likes of which I returned with a roll of my eyes.

"Yes, _mother_."

Robin merely cocked one eyebrow at me, folding his arms across his chest.

I sighed.

"I'll turn in soon. I just need a few minutes to… think about some things."

This was apparently what Robin wanted to hear, and he gave me a pleased smile. "Alright then. And I meant what I said, about the team understanding if you need a little break." With a respective nod he wandered toward the door, pausing in the doorway to address me over his shoulder. "Goodnight. Get some rest, Raven."

The door shut behind him with a hydraulic sigh, leaving me alone in the living room nursing the blush that had sprung unbidden to my cheeks.

_Stop that!_ I scolded myself, clearing my throat and adopting the lotus position. _Focus. You have much to think about…_

Serenity came like a second nature as I instantly adopted a familiar stillness and cleared all anxiety, tension melting from both my mind and body and leaving me feeling extremely relaxed.

"Azarath, metrion, zinthos…" the syllables fell from my lips in a comfortable, droning monotone as I felt myself growing lighter, levitating a few inches off of the couch.

_I don't know what I want, _my own voice echoed in the void.

_That's expectable; what eighteen-year-old does?_ Intelligence answered, adjusting her glasses on the bridge of her nose. _Now that we no longer feel the need to account for our supposed sins, what will we do?_

_I don't know what I want,_ the words came again.

_We can do anything!_ Happy quipped with a pleased giggle, _Go anywhere! We can do whatever we think of! Let's travel the country, the world, the **universe!**_

_I don't know what I want._

_What about trying a solo-hero gig?_ suggested Bravery, bouncing on the balls of her feet and boxing her shadow. _We'd rock at that! After defeating that slug Trigon, criminals should be a piece of cake._

_I don't know what I want._

Timid shuddered._ We can't leave the team; what would the others think? _She argued, cowering in the shadows of my mind. _Everyone would be mad… and hurt. We would never want to hurt any of them. _

_We have no reason to stay—we should just get the hell out of here. We could do that, you know. No more messing about with these naïve adolescents. _Rage muttered in a low growl._ We've done our duty. _

_But where would we go? Azarath is…_ Misery sniffled, biting back a fresh wave of tears. _I wish we weren't so confused…_

_I don't know what I want…_ the voice was becoming weaker, more watery, and suddenly I felt myself sinking.

_What about simply growing up?_ Said Crudeness with a large, uncouth yawn. _It'd be easy-- we've always dreamed of what it'd be like to live a normal life._

My mind began to haze as a deep sadness began to wash over me—it was true, secretly, selfishly, I'd always wondered what it would be like to be a normal teenager, without responsibility to anyone but myself. I'd wondered what it'd be like to go to high school, or college, or to have a job that didn't put my neck on the line. I wondered what it'd be like to have been born a simple, mortal girl with a simple, mortal life.

Now that Trigon was gone, would I have a chance at such a thing?

Distantly I registered the feeling of my body meeting the slightly-rough fabric of the couch, unfurling from its previous position to lie curled and cradled by the cushions.

_Sleep,_ whispered Intelligence. _At the very least, we deserve some rest…_

With that, my mind began to drift like a bottle on the ocean, each swell of the tide pulling me further and further away from consciousness. A fog settled itself firmly around my brain, and suddenly I felt so… heavy…

_Sleep…_

And then everything quieted to a blissful black.

* * *

TBC

Please review :)


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